Grief can pull you out of the present. Many people describe the days around a loss or a funeral as a blur. That haziness is often a form of dissociation. Your mind creates distance from pain so you can get through what feels impossible. This guide explains why “missing time” happens, how to stay gently present, and what support can help.
What grief-related dissociation can feel like
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Moving on autopilot while making calls, signing papers or greeting people
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Patchy memories of the service or wake
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The world seeming distant or dream like
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Emotional numbness followed by sudden waves of feeling
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Difficulty focusing, speaking or recalling simple details
These are common under heavy stress. They do not mean you are grieving “wrong”.
Why it happens
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Overload. Shock, sorrow and logistics arrive all at once.
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Protection. The brain dampens sensation so you can function.
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Triggers. Hospitals, legal forms, family tension and anniversaries can intensify detachment.
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Sleep loss. Tiredness makes dissociation more likely the next day.
The stages of grief and where dissociation fits
Think of the stages as common experiences rather than a strict order. You may move back and forth, skip some, or feel several at once. Dissociation can appear in any stage, usually as numbness or a sense of distance when feelings are too strong.
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Denial. Shock and disbelief. You may feel blank, foggy or on autopilot.
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Anger. Frustration at people, systems or yourself. Some go detached to avoid intensity.
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Bargaining. “If only I had…” looping thoughts that can be tiring and increase spacing out.
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Depression. Heaviness and low energy. Numbness can be the system conserving strength.
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Acceptance. Finding ways to live with the loss. Dissociation often eases, but can still flare around reminders.
If the stages do not help, let them go. Your way of grieving is the right way for you.
During the funeral and first days: anchors that help
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Orient to now. Quietly say the date, place and one next step. “It is Thursday morning. I am at the chapel. I will sit with my aunt.”
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Use touch. Keep a smooth stone, tissue or small object in your pocket. Hold it when you feel far away.
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Breathe 4-2-4. In for four, hold for two, out for four. Repeat a few times.
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Choose a steady seat. Sit near an aisle, keep water nearby, stand and stretch if you need to.
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Simple words. If people ask how you are, try “Doing my best today.” You do not owe long explanations.
After the service: gentle routines for the next weeks
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Tiny structure. One morning task, one afternoon task, one contact with a person.
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Body care. Regular food, water, fresh air and a short daily walk if possible.
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Memory support. Keep appointments and to dos in one notebook or phone note.
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Quiet rituals. A candle at the same time each evening, a short letter to the person, a song they loved.
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Screens at night. Wind down with soft light, slow breath and a warm drink to protect sleep.
If you support someone who is grieving
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Speak calmly and simply. Offer orientation: “You are at home with me. It is Sunday afternoon.”
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Offer choices not demands: “Would you like me to drive or sit with you here”
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Reduce noise and bright light. Stay nearby until they feel steadier.
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Help with one concrete task. Meals, forms, phone calls and lifts matter more than advice.
When to seek extra help
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Dissociation is frequent or lasts a long time
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You feel unsafe, confused or have large memory gaps
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Strong urges to harm yourself or thoughts about not wanting to be here
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Everyday tasks feel unmanageable for weeks
Stay connected with Ground Me
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On iPhone open the App Store and download Ground Me Dissociation Aid
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On Android coming soon. Sign up to our newsletter at groundme.app to be the first to know
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Questions or for mental health support Email bilge@groundme.app
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Follow @groundmeapp on Instagram for updates and grounding tips
You are not alone. With small anchors, safe people and steady care, presence returns in moments first, then for longer stretches.
