Valentine’s can be sweet, but it can also stir pressure, comparison, and old stories about worth. If parts of life have felt blurry, numb or “not quite here”, that’s often dissociation, a protective response to overwhelm. This day doesn’t need a grand gesture. It needs care that fits you.
What self-love actually looks like (no clichés)
- Warm inner voice: speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend.
- Kind context: energy, money, health, grief and periods of dissociation all shape what’s possible today.
- Permission to be ordinary: small, repeatable kindness beats a perfect plan.
Try this check-in: What would be kind and useful for me today ?
If dissociation shows up on Valentine’s
Dissociation can make connection (with yourself or others) feel far away. Reframe it:
- “My system is protecting me; I’ll re-enter gently when I can.”
- “Small moments count—one message, one warm drink, one breath.”
- “I don’t need to perform closeness to deserve care.”
If detachment is frequent or affecting safety, study, work or relationships, consider trauma-informed support.
Simple ways to practise self-love today
- Write yourself a short note
Two lines, handwritten or in your phone:
- One thing I’m proud of from the last month
- One thing I’m finding hard, and one kindness I’ll offer myself
- Create a “kind pocket”
Pick one small window (first cup of tea, a short walk, ten quiet minutes at bedtime). Protect it from rush and screens. Let it be yours.
- Choose a gentle boundary
Examples you can copy or adapt:
- “I’m logging off at 7 p.m. tonight.”
- “I’m skipping social media after dinner.”
- “I’m happy to chat, not to problem-solve.”
- Make a “more of” list (no “less of” allowed)
Three things you’d like more of this week, light, music, honest chats, warmth, fresh air, silliness. Let the list guide tiny choices.
- A solo ritual (partnered or not)
Light a candle for someone you love (including you), play a favourite song, cook something simple, or rewatch comfort TV. Small rituals help memory and mood when life has felt foggy.
For couples or close friends: self-love inside relationships
- Share one true sentence: “I’m glad we’re here.” or “My energy is low; I still want to be with you.”
- Offer one clear ask: “Could we keep it quiet tonight” or “Walk instead of a busy restaurant”
- Celebrate effort, not performance: the conversation you had, the laugh you shared, the kind boundary you kept.
If today is painful
Valentine’s can amplify loneliness, grief or comparison. You’re not behind or doing it wrong. Choose one steadying contact (a friend, a helpline, a group), one kind activity, and let that be enough.
UK (24/7): Samaritans 116 123 | jo@samaritans.org, Text SHOUT to 85258, NHS 111 for urgent mental health help (999 in an emergency).
USA (24/7): Call or text 988, Text HOME to 741741 (911 in an emergency).
A tiny close to the day
End with three lines:
- One thing that felt good (or okay enough)
- One thing I’ll leave for tomorrow
- One sentence of care to myself
You don’t need a brand-new self to deserve love. You need the self you have, treated with gentleness and respect.
Stay connected with Ground Me
- On iPhone open the App Store and download Ground Me Dissociation Aid — check your dissociation level and learn about dissociation in plain language
- On Android coming soon
- Sign up to our newsletter on the groundme.app homepage to be the first to know
- Questions contact us via groundme.app
- One-to-one mental health support email bilge@groundme.app
- Follow @groundmeapp on Instagram for updates and gentle education
- Ground Me is a self-help app, not a diagnostic tool, and it does not replace professional assessment or care.
